The Mark of Shame

Cyclists gave a collective chuckle last year when - high on Grand Depart fever -- Transport for London claimed that the Capital was a "cycling city".

It is, of course, nothing of the sort. A sprawling, chaotic mess with a Roman and Medieval heart; built on haphazardly by the Elizabethans, Georgians and Victorians then knocked about and left dazed by the combined efforts of the Luftwaffe and sixties' planners -- London is about as much a cycling city as Fallujah is a destination for stag parties.

But that's not to say that Mayor Ken is not making excellent efforts on our behalf; nor that we're not all extremely grateful.

A couple of years ago, he introduced a much-needed system of identifying and categorising the city's worst, most anti-social and aggressive drivers. Under the scheme, the most serious offenders would be required to display a yellow badge at all times in the rear-windows of their vehicles.

If anyone thinks there are unfortunate historical echoes here, be reassured that Ken is ideologically beyond reproach.

The new system replaced the previous voluntary and informal scheme, which required such drivers to use ten-year old Nissan Primeras with one door painted in grey primer, a beaded-cover on the driver's seat and a magnetic aerial on the roof.

It's a foolproof scheme. Many a time I've been the victim of a particularly aggressive or stupid piece of driving; looked up to administer a mild verbal reproach to the person at the wheel and spotted the tell-tale yellow badge in the window.

"Ah," I think "It's OK. Mayor Ken is already on the case. God bless him, what would we do without?"

But there's been growing disquiet that the badges are not sufficient identification in such a crowded and busy metropolis, so supplementary signs are now being introduced.

Blue and white, displayed in the bottom right corner of the window, they state simply "Private Hire -- pre book only".

Straightforward words, but Londoners will immediately understand the deeper meaning. They are really saying:

"I am a sociopath with no driving skills. I have no knowledge of London, so I will be driving with my eyes fixed permanently not on the road -- but on my Satnav. Which is, temporarily, stuck on a map of Luton."

I applaud the new badges but wonder whether there isn't room for yet more clarity?

Under my scheme, these drivers would be required to be even more visible. I would force them to fit flashing lights to their roofs -- blue would be a suitable colour; red and yellow stripes on the side and two-tone horns just to make sure.

Then there'd be no confusion.